LilyYucarp

A large portion of people who are reading this probably have a personal webpage whether self-hosted or hosted in a platform that hosts other websites. Those webpages are generally a reflection of the people who own them. There are a lot of awesome websites that contain a lot of fun material that's entertaining to read. Many of those websites also contain helpful information about some topics, from language learning to computer science. When I decided to have my own webpage that's open to anyone who has a connection to Internet and a modern web browser, I was inspired by a lot of amazing webpages on the Internet. They had valuable information about a wide range of topics, while containing personal content and a personal layout. I was thinking that why I couldn't have my own corner on Internet where I share both the information I see valuable and some of the aspects of my life that might be interesting. And after a long thought process and waiting inertly I decided to host my own webpage.

Although I successfully opened my webpage, I stumbled upon a problem, I didn't have anything to share. I had designed the layout for my page, but I didn't think about what I could host there. Being completely alien to the culture of indie web and personal blogs I didn't know what was appropriate to do on my page. I thought that I had to focus on a specific topic. I thought that I couldn't focus on things like my personal passions or the events I experienced. I had to speak about a topic, and I had to speak about it really well; or at least I thought so. So I was stuck thinking about what material should I share with people. I wanted to post information that's valuable and makes a difference. Since I was interested on computers since I was a little kid, I decided to share information about computer science. I was determined to share information about the topics I am interested in but I was missing a point. I was trying to share the most refined knowledge I could give. I thought that people needed the thing they see to be perfect to enjoy and appreciate them. Although trying to do your best is good, trying to do more than you can do can be harmful and destructive rather than constructive. I was stuck on the thoughts of people. I thought if I wasn't perfect, my efforts would be ignored by people and they would rather engage with the thing they saw perfect. That mindset combined with the reluctancy to talk about my interests combined and turned into a monster that didn't only cost me my productivity on my personal webpage. It prevented me from having fun from the things I do. I tried to do the best if I wanted to make something complete out of my work. I want to emphasize the section "the best". I didn't try to do my best, I tried to do the best, and that caused unhealthy comparisons. You probably have heard this, but the cake metaphor really explains the situation. Let's say that my passion is making cakes, and I love baking and decorating cakes. I have fun while making cakes. But when I see other people's cakes, I get discouraged as their cakes are fancier than mine, as people tend to show more interest to the things that's more impressive. But while people come to look at the cakes, they don't discriminate between cakes. They might show more interest to some cakes, but they are enthusiastic about eating cakes, no matter what cake they choose to eat. And as time progresses, I start to make tastier and fancier cakes. I might still have to make more cakes to do the best, but my cakes are better than the cakes I made before. Although I probably wrote about this metaphor in a very informal and scattered manner, I think that the message is clear enough. And I don't have to write formally, as it's not an article (I guess?) I experienced the same things in this metaphor on my interests, including making a web page. Perfectionism and being scared of getting scolded because of my interests/work have caused me to not share anything personal on this web page. The only content I have right now is a half-baked essay about the importance of using libre software. Although the layout is somewhat personalized, there is virtually no content on this page, and it looks like a house which no one lives in. Even though the layout carries a lot in the field of personalization, there is no meaning to do it if there is almost nothing in your page. My webpage is somewhat like a house, I could construct it differently as much as I could but it would be meaningless if I didn't live in there. My house could be the most extraordinary structure in the galaxy but if there is nothing in here it would be... pointless. The cat on my page is dying from loneliness as I don't share anything on my page. It's like a ghost town, although it might be interesting to see it first time you aren't going to visit it a lot.

Although I have mentioned about myself a lot, this entry is not only about me. Although this entry is like an introspection, there is more than me in this entry. Making a webpage is not like writing a book. Although it being organized might be a lot better in some cases, it doesn't have to be organized. This is a good thing for the people who just want to share anything they want regardless of the topic or the people who don't always have a clear mind. People can still enjoy your webpage even if it's not like a book. Of course having an order is more convenient and arguably better but your page doesn't have to be seperated to related sections, especially if you are making a personal webpage. I am saying this because perfectionism affected me and it prevented me from producing things. It obstructed me from escaping the harsh routines I have and the cruel reality of life. Critically inspecting your work and practicing to improve is a good and desirable habit to have but it doesn't mean that you have to do everything perfectly. Although I skimmed through the hard work in my life I tried to be perfect in things I was interested in. This resulted me to not enjoy the work I do. Personalization is not only about you, it's about the work you put in the work you do. Something becomes as personalized as much the work you put in it. It doesn't have to contain the pieces of you only to be personalized, it only needs to have work that's made by you. Having as much pieces as possible is a good thing too, especially in large things. In the end, it's about the amount of work you make, not the amount of things you own. Personalization is more like giving a soul to something, and I have missed that.

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle from the issues I have mentioned. But that doesn't mean I didn't figure out anything. Although I am still struggling, I will try to put more work on this webpage. Thanks to anyone that's reading this, I appreciate the time you spent to read the entry I wrote. I hope your day passes well and if it's night time, I hope you get a good sleep. Anyways, here is a picture of... the lavender kitten, touching the lily yuca carp... I guess? It's not the best but at least it's not AI generated :P (I am unfortunately bad at drawing cats)